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“Love educates whoever will embrace her.”
~ Guy Finley
Excerpted from “Apprentice of the Heart” (p. 18)
Make room for love
The idea of having more love in our lives sounds very nice… but it’s not something we simply wait for. We must do our part to make room for it. Love cannot find its way into a heart that’s firmly and resolutely occupied by anger, frustration, jealousy, and blame. It’s precisely in these moments when we are so consumed by negativity and so certain that love is not possible that we must reach for its guidance. That small micron of a wish made each time we come up empty-hearted (again) is the path to making permanent room in our hearts for that which can teach us about true compassion, kindness, and grace.
“Choose awareness of your thoughts over being absorbed in the sensations they produce as they carry you along to get what they want.”
~ Guy Finley
Excerpted from “The Essential Laws of Fearless Living” (p. 18)
Special exercise: Pop thought
Ever find that you have trouble getting started on, or finishing, certain tasks? Writing a letter, cleaning out the garage, doing your taxes… you set out to get going and what happens? You hear the thought, “make a sandwich” — so you head to the kitchen. Or, “I wonder whatever happened to Melissa Gilbert from Little House on the Prairie” — so you google her… and an hour later you’re still wandering aimlessly on the Internet! There is a definite relationship between attention, intention, desire, and resistance that we know very little about. The only way to learn more about these states is to purposefully disturb their regular routine, and then observe what happens. The next time you set out to do something and a thought pops up to distract you, choose to “pop the thought” instead, just as you would pop a balloon to deflate it. Watch as more distracting thoughts steadily bubble up from your mind and just continue to pop them, refusing to be diverted from your task. The more you practice “popping thought” the more you strengthen your attention, which is what helps you to choose the life you want to live.
“You have the Light to act with compassion toward all other beings, regardless of how challenging your personal circumstances may be in any given moment.”
~ Guy Finley
Excerpted from “The Secret of Letting Go” (p. 260)
Special exercise: Look both ways
The next time you find yourself in the middle of any conflict with another person (either inwardly or outwardly) see if you can pause for a moment to “look both ways.” Meaning, work to broaden your view to include the other person as best you can. Even the smallest interruption to your usual, one-way “my way or the highway” thoughts helps to lessen their grip on you. The more you look before you act, the less inclined you will be to choose the path where you clearly see you’re about to run into yourself and others!
“If a person writing a letter misspells a word, the error starts in his mind, after which it appears on paper. He cannot possibly correct the paper until his mind is corrected first.”
~ Guy Finley
Excerpted from “The Secret of Letting Go” (p. 20)
Special exercise: Mistaken identity
Why is it so painful to make a mistake? Certainly the consequences for some mistakes are greater than others. But consequences aside, what is at the root of resisting our flub-ups? Could it be a case of mistaken identity? I wouldn’t suffer over tripping in public unless I thought I was always poised and graceful. I wouldn’t resent having my “facts” corrected unless I thought I was an expert. Any mistake we make, big or small, actually presents us with a golden opportunity to see where we have a mistaken idea about ourselves. By working in these moments to see yourself as you are — instead of resisting what you see by denying, defending, or blaming — you make room for instant, effortless self-correction.
“There is nothing that needs to be done with any dark state, except for you to stay awake and watchful.”
~ Guy Finley
Excerpted from “The Secret of Letting Go” (p. 184)
Special exercise: See past “what if” to what is
When something shakes you up, your mind immediately starts showing you “what if” scenarios. “What if she does this? What if he doesn’t do that? What if I lose money?” Work as best you can in these moments to feel the rattle without preparing for battle. Give your attention to what is happening, not to what your mind is telling you it means. By watching your mind as it starts the movie reel — instead of watching the dark movies themselves — you’ll find that you actually have the choice to leave the theater anytime you like.
“Each time you remember to reclaim your attention, with it you regain your life.”
~ Guy Finley
Excerpted from “The Essential Laws of Fearless Living” (p. 18)
Special exercise: Stick ‘em up
Would you say the problem is that you don’t know how to be a better person — or is it that you can’t remember your intention to be better when you want to? Most would probably say the latter! This is why we do exercises which help to reconnect us to the present moment, because true change doesn’t happen in the moment promises or resolutions are made — it happens in the moment you see that “I need to be different right NOW.” Stickie notes are a great way to bring yourself back to the present again and again — little notes in obvious places that say “Come back” or “Where am I?” or “Be here now” or “Remember what you love.” Anything that gives you a little jolt out of mechanical thought mode and reconnects you with your body and interior state. In these moments you will catch the thieves that have been stealing your attention, such as anger, fear, etc. The more you work to reclaim your attention, the better chance you have of making different choices when you truly want to.
“Your True Nature is already something greater than any self-compromising state, much in the same way that the ocean shoreline is greater than the waves that pound it.”
~ Guy Finley
Excerpted from “The Essential Laws of Fearless Living” (p. 22)
Special exercise: Knock knock?
What’s the answer to the classic “knock knock” joke? Who’s there! Well, this is what we want to ask ourselves anytime we can remember to do so — particularly in challenging moments. “Who” is here right now in this moment when I am angry at you for forgetting to do something for me? “Who” is here right now in this moment when I have to confess that I forgot to do something for you? Whenever anger, dread, frustration, judgment, etc. surge through us, the feeling has “come to the door” because there’s a “you” who has something at stake. If you act according to what this “you” tells you to do — blame, defend, punish, escape — you are essentially its slave. Period! If you want to be free from these punishing states that only lead to unhappy endings, stop answering when they knock at your door.
“Most of our sorrows are the stressful offspring of trying to be something we have no real need to be; they are born for attempting to do what cannot — and need not — be done.”
~ Guy Finley
Excerpted from “Let Go and Live in the Now” (p. 121)
Special exercise: Be real
The amount of stress in my days is related to the distance between who I am right now, and who I want or pretend to be. Does it make sense — truly make sense — to stress over getting older, losing my job, whether or not other people like me, or if I’m going to be able to perform something flawlessly? Stress does NOT change reality, and it doesn’t help me be something I’m not. Yes, we can and should work practically to do what’s needed to take care of ourselves and our responsibilities, and even strive to improve where possible. But stress does not aid such effort — it inhibits it. When you catch yourself in the midst of a stressful situation ask the question, what’s real right now? The quicker you come back to the reality of what the moment is showing you about yourself, the quicker you’ll be able to let go of any needless heartache.
“Instead of falling into those familiar feelings of futility over yourself, work to deliberately drop those discourage-filled thoughts that are telling you that the limit of your present view is the limit of your possibilities.”
~ Guy Finley
Excerpted from “The Essential Laws of Fearless Living” (p. 54)
Special exercise: Let go
If you’re in pain over anything, it’s because you’re holding onto something. And while it is not unnatural to experience feelings such as frustration, grief, and disappointment, it is unnatural to hold onto them. Whether you’ve forgotten to pick up the dry cleaning or you’ve just lost your job — there is a key moment where a switch occurs in our minds. The mind goes from simply registering the impact of what has happened to building a case for how you should feel about it. This is where the trouble begins! The pain does not come from the event, the pain comes from listening to our minds tell us what it means. What can you do in these moments? Work to see that you’re holding on to only one imagined outcome, and then… let it go! The more you work to let go of the thoughts that limit you, the more clearly you will see new possibilities for yourself.
“Instead of always asking yourself why things had to go this way or that way, learn to ask, ‘Why is the way I feel always determined by external conditions?’”
~ Guy Finley
Excerpted from “The Secret of Letting Go” (p. 74)
Special exercise: Stop getting in your own way
We bump into life quite a bit, don’t we? Obstacles appear out of the blue and we find ourselves hit by dread, worry, disappointment, and conflict with others. Even on our best days we can’t seem to avoid occasional flashes of irritation and impatience. Clearly something is amiss! The key to discovering what is truly getting in your way starts with asking different questions in difficult moments. When someone is rude and you wonder why they were such a jerk, ask yourself instead — what in ME is offended? When you’re late for an appointment and start to stress over everything getting in your way, ask yourself — what in ME is so fearful of being late? Start to recognize that the “you” who fears the loss of anything — respect, admiration, time, money — is the real reason why you feel the way you do. A new kind of freedom awaits the person who begins to detect and drop the self that thinks it is being overrun by life when in fact it is the one crashing into it!
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